bridal party : So far, so good, right? The problem, basically, is that there are too manysiblings involved in our marriage! I have two sisters; Jim has a sister anda brother. Jim's brother is going to be his best man. They're best friendsas well as brothers and Jim is as adamant about this as I am about my bestfriend being my MOH.And then there are all the sisters. I am very close to one of my sisters,who will be 17 at the wedding, and not quite as close...but still close...to the other, who will be19. The younger one, Katie, has her heart set one being a bridesmaid. Iknow that it would upset her to no end not to be one. Besides, I'd reallylike her to do it. Mary, the other sister, however, is really ambivalent. She has said that she'll do whatever I want her to do. That said, shehates to get dressed up and have her picture taken and has expresseddiscomfort at the idea of having to stand up in front of everyone. Katie,on the other hand, is a real "girly girl"...the idea of having her hair andmakeup done and getting to wear a pretty dress and everything thrills her. Given these facts, it seems that the logical thing to do would be to haveKatie as a bridesmaid and not Mary. However, I would feel a little awkwardabout playing "favorites" (even though I wouldn't be, really; I justwouldn't want to put Mary into a situation that would make heruncomfortable). And besides, I can just see the gossip machine starting ifI have one sister and not the other. While we would all know the reasonsbehind the decision, the "average" guest wouldn't, and I'd rather avoid theremarks that someone is bound to make.
bridal party : This is all further complicated by the fact that Jim's mom is ADAMANT thatJim's will-be-16-years-old sister, also named Katie (as if this weren'tI feel that no one would make comments or judgments about having one sister andnot the other. I also would explain to Mary the reasons for asking Katie andnot Mary and that it is for her feelings to NOT ask her as much as it is forKatie's feeling TO ask her...I know you didnt ask for help and just wanted to vent, but I really feel thatyou should pick who you want!MY FH has three sisters and I have one. I am only asking one of his sister'sand my sister, and NO ONE would ask/wonder why Im not including the othersisters....."Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures." - RilkePlease remove "NOSPAM" from email address to email. Thank you.Not that you asked for my input, but FWIW, maybe she can have some otherfunction in the wedding besides BM and your FH should be the one to TELL hismom, family whomever, that THIS IS HOW IT IS!!!!!!!!!!! ;-)
bridal party : "Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures." - RilkePlease remove "NOSPAM" from email address to email. Thank you.Sarah, I feel very sympathetic and understand how trying this can be!Maybe you SHOULD go with just BM and MOH... yes Katie will be upset (yoursister) but maybe she can do something else in the wedding!? Would your MOHunderstand if you chose your sister as MOH? This way, it is Jim's brother beingBM and YOUR sister being MOH!?What do you think?! I know you said you were ADAMANT about your MOH, but it ISa possibility........"Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasures." - RilkePlease remove "NOSPAM" from email address to email. Thank you.You have my sympathies. Luckily we didn't have that problem, but I'vewatched friends try to juggle these family situations and it can be anightmare.I think this is the perfect excuse - in that it's not even an excuse,just a plain fact - to not have Mary as an attendant. I would involveher in a way that she is comfortable with - maybe as a reader (althothat would involve the standing up in front of everyone, but not for aslong), or as a greeter, or to light a candle, or serve cake, or justgive a special toast. It could even be something behind the scenes likemaking your bouquet if she is skilled that way, or arrangingcenterpieces, etc.
bridal party : I wouldn't worry too much about what everyone else thinks. Family andclose friends will know the difference and who care's about anyoneelse's weird suppositions! <g> Seriously, if anyone is rude enough toask, the appropriate response would be "Mary and I are both thrilledthat she could participate as xxxxx. Why do you ask?". As far as FSIL Katie, whew. I'm at a loss there. I would say that youprobably ought to have her as an attendant just to preserve familyharmony. But as to how to deal with the attention getting... that'sbeyond me. I personally would tend to treat someone like that as anobstreperous 3 year old and leave it at that. <g> But that's just me.1) Your sister Katie should be welcomed as a part of the ceremonyor event. My sister Katie <grin> was our guestbook attendant, andgot a corsage.2) Your sister Mary should be gracefully excused. Prior to thewedding, in the guise of gushing over the arrangements, youcan tactfully drop hints to the family gossips -- "Oh, Marywas *so* uninterested in being an attendant. She *begged*us not to dress her funny and make her stand up in front ofeveryone. You *know* how shy she is!" And this way, you won'tget lots of awkward questions on the Day. It worked for us. Myolder sister really had no interest in being an attendant. Ireally only wanted one attendant (not my sis). We were both happy,but my mom was scandalised. :^)
bridal party : My compromise -- I included my sister in the fun things -- wefound her a new dress, made sure she got her hair and nails donewith me, and had "bonding" time. She just got to sit with theguests on the day, looking terrifically faboo. My mom got usedto it, because *we* were fine with it, and told her to get agrip. After a while, *she* started telling other people "Kimwould really prefer to socialize, rather than be an attendant forSandi. It's so much more fun." :^)3) His sister. Your fiance should tell his mom and sister to backoff. That your attendants are YOUR business. That HE'S not willingto have her as an attendant, so why in the world should you? Wende'ssuggestion of the 18 year age limit is good -- unless YOUR sisteris under 18. At that point, I'd just make your fiance do theexplaining. If YOU do, you will forever be The Witch to yourfuture MIL and SIL. If you're feeling conciliatory and inclusive,offer her guestbook attendance; flower attendant -- making sureeveryone gets theirs; usher; program distributor; personal attendant;photographer gopher, assembling all people for expeditious photos;whatever role you would find helpful.
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