engagement party : Really? Well, I guess my husband and I violated a MAJOR etiquette rule,because we did just that, we hosted our own engagement party. And you want toknow what? No one chided us for being such etiquette clods for doing such ascandalous thing, and no one seemed to be bothered that we paid for the entireparty ourselves. In fact, no one even asked "who paid for this engagementparty?" And why did we do it? Because I had been married before, and wedidn't think it all appropriate that my dad "give me away" again by walking medown the aisle and hosting another wedding for me after a 13 year marriage andtwo kids into my adult life. But does that mean we didn't deserve to have anengagement party. We didn't think so, because my husband hadn't been marriedbefore but he still wanted a big wedding with all the trimmings. So, aftermeeting my FH, both in our mid-30s with good jobs, we decided to get married,and we thought it best that we host our own wedding. Why not! We were bothbetter off financially than our parents (in fact, both our fathers wereretired), and we were in a much better position to pay for a wedding. So whyhave our parents host the wedding if we were paying for everything--therehearsal, the wedding ceremony, the reception, and of course the honeymoon andour the home we lived in. So if we were hosting and paying for everything,then why should we not host an engagement party as well. And guess what? Noone seemed bothered that we did the inviting, or that we paid for the food theyate. I say the rule that no one should host their own engagement party is toorestrictive.
engagement party : I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me she was going toan engagement party with 500 guests this weekend. She said sheisn't invited to the wedding, but the engagement party, becausethe venue they chose for the wedding couldn't hold that manypeople.I think it seems sort of rude. It's not like the wedding is onlygoing to be 20 people in their garden at home. It's at a hotelfor 300 people.* Sent from RemarQ The Internet's Discussion Network *The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet - Free!That is absolutely NOT acceptable. You do not first of all invitepeople to an engagement party without inviting them to the wedding. Iwould think an exception would be if the wedding was very small. Definitely a motive to get gifts. Who has 500, much less 300, peoplereally close to them anyway? I wouldn't go or give them a gift if Iwere your friend. That may sound rude, but I think they are beingextremely rude! It is basically like inviting someone to the shower andnot the wedding. Most people don't even have big engagements partiesthese days anyway. Some friends of our threw us a small one, but thatwas it. It sounds more like a reception before the wedding to me. HowVULGAR!
engagement party : An engagement party with 500 of the couple's nearest, dearest, closestfriends? Sounds more like a politcal convention! (Or a mega giftgrab-fest!) Sounds like they should have held the wedding at thesame venue--then all 500 could attend the wedding, too! Bizarre!The only way I can see this as being acceptable is if all the guests wereinvited to a party not knowing it was in celebration of an engagement but wherethe engagement was announced as a surprise. Then there is no self-imposedobligation of the guests to bring a gift and the announcement has more of anappearance of being a surprise announcement rather than the specific reasoneveryone was invited.However, a planned engagement party would certainly cause many guests to presumethey were also invited to a wedding.Well, 500 into 300 won't go, and you aren't obligated to provide the samelevel of food and entertainment at an engagement party IMO. So I don't thinkit's rude. It's a different type of celebration. I'd tell her to go, enjoy,and celebrate with them!We invited some people to our engagement party who won't invited to thewedding; that's because they were mainly friends, and we need to also inviterelatives to the wedding, which eats up the budgeting allowance, much as I'dlike to invite them all.
engagement party : On Wed, 17 May 2000 09:20:15 wrote:**Well, 500 into 300 won't go, and you aren't obligated to provide the same*level of food and entertainment at an engagement party IMO. So I don't think*it's rude. It's a different type of celebration. I'd tell her to go, enjoy,*and celebrate with them!Er - I'm not going to say that a wedding reception and an engagement partyaren't different types of celebrations because they obviously are; I'malso not going to say that the person shouldn't go and enjoy herselfbecause heck, why shouldn't she? But I do take issue with the statementyou make that one "isn't obligated to provide the same level of food andentertainment at an engagement party." Honestly, what on earth does thatmean? I have some dear friends who had an engagement party at a veryexpensive restaurant in San Francisco, with their immediate families andabout 10 close friends (total maybe 25 people), with a small bandproviding music for cocktails and such, and then a year or so later had abig backyard barbecue wedding reception for 300 people at the bride'smom's house in the 'burbs. My friend (the groom) told me specifically thatthey'd chosen to have the "fancy schmancy" party with the smaller group atthe engagement, because they knew that no way in heck would they ever beable to afford that level of entertaining for 300 people and they figuredit would be fun to have that kind of party on a smaller scale. Now, yourstatement suggests that one is obligated to provide a "higher" or "better"grade of food or entertainment at a wedding and frankly, I think you'remistaken.
engagement party : * *We invited some people to our engagement party who won't invited to the*wedding; that's because they were mainly friends, and we need to also invite*relatives to the wedding, which eats up the budgeting allowance, much as I'd*like to invite them all.If that's the way things are done in your neck of the woods, that's cool.I, not being on either guest list, certainly am not going to register anycomplaints! :) I would like to just inform you that if I got invited to anengagement party and a wedding invitation never followed (and the weddingwasn't cancelled or something) I would feel personally offended, becausein my social circle, that sort of thing is considered quite rude.-- hillary "So that's 2 T-1s and a newsfeed....would you like clues with that?" for debugging your net or deworming your pet Net Access...The NSP for ISPs....The NOC that rocks around the clock.'Party' to me usually means an evening do. I don't feel obliged to providedinner to party guests, beyond normal buffet type things, because they'llprobably have eaten before rolling in. At a wedding, the (local) custom isto provide a wedding breakfast of some description, and a whole swathe ofmore formal trappings such as after-dinner speeches and toasts. As I said, Idon't think you are obliged to provide the same level of food andentertainment at an engagement party -- if your friends wanted to that'scool, but I don't think it's necessary.
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